Watch Your Words

Watch Your Words

A while ago, I wrote a post called Respect My Husband?. (http://www.peacewithgod.ca/respect-husband/)  In this post I wrote about the effect the media is having on marriage relationships as it relates to giving respect to men.

There is a set pattern of behaviour being touted as ‘normal’ for relationships between what the media puts out and what we observe in society around us. However, with the divorce rate in our society now at 50%, I question the wisdom in accepting what the media and society at large are displaying as ‘normal’ behaviour for relationships.

Not only are the words we say to each other within a marriage relationship important, but the words we say to others about our partner and about our marriage relationship are equally important.

Intimate details about a relationship (bedroom details) should stay within the relationship.  It’s just plain and simply not appropriate to talk with other people about how your partner is in bed. In stereo-typical fashion, a lot of times this one is blamed on men as they try to one-up each other whether it’s in a locker room conversation, or an outing with ‘the boys’. However, there are some women who go down this road in conversation as well.

Complaining about your partner’s behaviour or habits to other people is good way to undermine your relationship. Even though this causes damage to relationships, we see it frequently in the media and hear it often in society. Whether it’s a group of women with each complaining about how lousy their partner is or a group of men each complaining about their nagging partners, it’s all one and the same. I have yet to hear of a man or woman saying to their partner, “I am so glad to know you told all of your friends about the things I do that drive you crazy.” and actually mean it. In fact, it is usually devastating and demoralizing to find out your partner has complained about things in your relationship that drive them crazy.

Neither of the above two examples display love or respect for our partners. And neither of the above two examples set the stage for a deeper level of trust and intimacy within a marriage relationship.

The single best thing you can do for your marriage relationship is to pray for your partner every single day. Not a prayer of, ‘God I wish you would change this or that in him/her’, but rather, pray blessing over them, ask for God to help you love them the way He loves them, and ask God to work in your life to make you a better marriage partner. Lastly thank God for the gift of your spouse.

A good marriage takes two committed individuals to make the relationship work. Not only are the words we speak to each other important, but the words we speak about our partners are critical as well.

There is no one single thing that makes a long-lasting marriage successful, however, this is one of the many essential ingredients to building a loving, trusting and intimate marriage relationship.

 

I hope this blesses someone today.

Escaping Jail

Escaping Jail

 

Yesterday’s post was about going to jail and so I thought I would write today about escaping jail. That’s me in the picture above, just about to walk out the door of the jail back into freedom!

When we were touring the Kingston Penitentiary, I found the stories of the escapes and the attempted escapes very interesting.

There was no question in my mind about why anyone would want to escape after having seen the inside of the jail. That was a no-brainer. But in looking at the intense security, the cameras that were everywhere, all of the locked heavy doors, all of the razor wire, barb wire, the very high fences that were then surrounded by a fortress type, cement block wall that had armed guards on top in turret style lookouts, one thing was very clear – the place was specifically designed to prevent escape.

jail 2 Jail

And yet, for all of the designing, planning, and security measures that were in place, people still tried to escape and some of them even succeeded in escaping.

My best guess would be that in order to escape from a prison like that, one would have to be fiercely dedicated to planning, strategizing and executing any escape attempt. I would also guess that there would be many prisoners who would look at their surroundings and just resign themselves to the situation they were in.

Why does this matter?

I have become painfully aware that one strategy of the enemy of my soul is to make me feel like I’m in solitary confinement – meaning, that I’m all on my own, no one else has been through what I’m going through, and no one else would ever understand what I’m going through.

It’s a prison that he masterfully designs with each cell unique to the prisoner that he wants to hold captive. He makes it seem that escape is impossible and convinces us that speaking out and asking for help will make us look foolish, and so those who resign themselves to the situation suffer in silence.

Whether it’s something we are ashamed of in our own lives, an illness or disease that we’ve been diagnosed with that’s seemingly rare, or a huge hurt in our lives, your enemy will try to use whatever he can to make you feel isolated and alone.

However, that prison of isolation he’s designed is all a deception; it is just smoke and mirrors.

First of all, there is always someone else who has at least some idea of what you’re going through and can empathize with you.  The challenge is in finding that person and sometimes the situation is sensitive and not one that a person wants to be widely known. Using discretion in who you speak with and trusting that they won’t ‘spill the beans’ on you to other people is very important.

Secondly, sometimes it’s our own pride that keeps the door to our prison of isolation locked up tight. We don’t want anyone to think less of us, or we might be embarrassed if people knew and so we bury our hurt and situations as deep as we can praying that no one ever finds out.

When we’ve made our own prison, it likely wasn’t a prison we were designing at the beginning. This type of prison usually starts as a defensive move, to put up a wall or barricade to protect ourselves from further hurt. However, after a while, it becomes a prison cell and escaping can seem impossible.

The key to freedom from prisons like these is first, wanting to escape and secondly, finding someone to talk to that you can trust.  I’ve been there.  I started by praying for help in choosing the right person and then with much fear and trepidation I was able to unlock the door and walk out of my prison cell, free at last from a prison I never belonged in to begin with.

Interestingly, when we were touring the jail in Kingston we found this written above the door on the inside of one of the cells.

 only you can free yourself

Why am I bothering to write this post?

In the short time that this blog has been online, and I’ve been brave enough to share a few of the things that I’ve gone through or am going through, I have been contacted by enough people who have been reading what I’m writing to realize that there are a lot of people who feel trapped and some people who feel like they are prisoners don’t know that they hold the key to their cells.

Remember this?

only you can free yourself

It’s true in that all you need to do is ask God for help and then be willing to take the steps to get to a place of healing.

In John 10:10 Jesus says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” And in John 8:36 Jesus says, “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”

Your freedom has been purchased and your healing has been provided through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Whatever we’re going through, remember, not one of us is alone. In Joshua 1:5b God is speaking and He says, “As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Jeremiah 29:11 says this: “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” God has a good plan for your life.  What you may view as a setback may very well be God working a setup for your future.

Don’t give up. Press on and press forward. Freedom is one choice away.

The 12 Days of Christmas – Day 2 – Gabriel

12 DOC - Day 2

Today is about the angel, Gabriel.  A messenger from God, Gabriel is sent to see Zechariah, Mary and Joseph to personally deliver news about the birth of two boys. In each of Gabriel’s meetings with Zechariah, Mary and Joseph, Gabriel tells them, ‘do not be afraid’. (Luke 1:13, Luke 1:30, Matthew 1:20)

 

Here Gabriel is, telling Zechariah, whose wife is past child-bearing years and has never had a child, that she will have a son.  In addition to suddenly seeing an angel – which I imagine would be startling to say the least, and to receiving news that is seemingly impossible about having a child – Zechariah is told to not be afraid.

 

The next time we read about Gabriel, he is with Mary, telling her as a virgin, that she will conceive and have a son, and by the way Mary, do not be afraid. In that society and at that time, a pregnancy outside of marriage was a very scary thing.

 

Finally, Gabriel speaks to Joseph and tells him to not be afraid of taking Mary to be his wife.

 

From telling news that sounded impossible to Zechariah and Mary, to telling Joseph to take action that was opposite to what that society and time in history would expect and would accept, Gabriel’s consistent message was to not be afraid.

 

Fear is very powerful. While fear can sometimes protect us, fears can cripple us, immobilize us, and in some cases, destroy us. God and Gabriel knew that God’s word would be fulfilled and Gabriel would have known that with God in control, there was nothing to fear.  In Luke 1:19, Gabriel introduces himself by saying, “I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of God,”.  By being close to God, Gabriel knew there was nothing for Zechariah, Joseph or Mary to fear about the news he was delivering to them from God.

 

God still speaks to people today. Hebrews 13:8 says, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” When He speaks something into a person’s life and when He is preparing a path for an individual to journey on, no matter how absurd or how impossible it may seem, there is nothing for any of us to fear. He wants us to trust Him and to walk the path He has set before us in trust, not in fear.

 

Thank God Zechariah, Mary and Joseph did not allow fear to dissuade them from the message delivered to them by Gabriel.

 

I am so encouraged by the messages Gabriel delivered to Zechariah, Mary and Joseph and for the common message to each of them to not be afraid. As I attempt to step out in obedience with this blog, fear is the biggest hurdle I have to work around. It would be much easier to list a number of reasons (aka excuses) of why I can’t or shouldn’t be putting my time and effort into writing at this time. However, I feel that the call to write is unmistakable for me right now and when I focus on that and as I draw ever closer to God, the fear that threatens to overtake and overwhelm me disappears.

 

I pray that as you read this post, that you will be able to move forward in whatever it is that God is speaking into your life without fear. That when fear threatens to consume and destroy, you will call on God, grow in your relationship with Him and move closer to Him so that the fear is diminished and defeated allowing God to carry out the purpose He has in store for you.

As courage grows and boldness is birthed, I pray that you will trade your will for His will and that glory and honour to God will be abundant throughout your life in everything that is said and done. For God has not given to us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love and a sound mind. II Timothy 1:7.

 

As we go through this Christmas season, remember the common message Gabriel delivered – Do not be afraid. Powerful words to live by, and challenging words to incorporate into our lives.

Be blessed.

Words

 Words

As I have pondered and prayed over the past several months about writing, what I should write about, what I should say, and what the focus of this blog should be, I woke up one morning with a prayer running through my head and realized that it was actually lyrics from a song.  I knew they were  from a song I’d heard, but at the time I could not put them into context and did not know what song they were from or who it was by.

Here’s the prayer/lyrics I woke up with that morning:

Let the words I say

Be the sound of Your grace

I don’t wanna  say a word

Unless it points the world back to You

I wanna to speak Your love

Not just another noise

I wanna be Your light

I wanna be Your voice

Let my words be life

Let my words be truth

I don’t wanna  say a word

Unless it points the world back to You

These lyrics are part of the song called Words by Hawk Nelson.  Here’s a video of the song with the lyrics:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anVweXDcxhA

These lyrics expressed my heart in prayer as I contemplated stepping out and writing as I felt God was leading me to do. I don’t want this blog to be about me nearly as much as it’s about Him. I don’t need  my thoughts and opinions expressed.  My thoughts and opinions are of little consequence.  The internet is full of people’s thoughts and opinions. I want God’s love, God’s grace, God’s mercy, God’s compassion, and God’s truth to dominate and permeate everything I write.

I’ve been placed in a fairly unique position. It’s not totally unique to me, there are other people around who have experienced similar situations to mine. God literally saved my physical life earlier this year, on Wednesday February 6, 2013 at about 8:45pm as I clung to the back of a car knowing I was not going to be getting out of the freezing cold Trent River in my own strength and that I may not make it out of the river at all. It was a powerful, incredible, miraculous moment, that I wouldn’t wish on anyone else, but one that I wouldn’t trade for the world.

The days and weeks and months since then have been transformational in my life.  I was a Christian before February 6th, 2013, and I’m still a Christian. But my life has been permanently re-prioritized. I am constantly aware that today may be the only one I have. Each conversation, every time I meet with people, or  I see my family members, I am continually conscious that this moment together may be the last one or the only one.

If it is the last one or the only one, it becomes critically important to leave nothing unsaid, to not part in anger, to encourage and build up, to express love, to pray, and to speak of God’s work in our lives.

I know this probably sounds like some crazy over-reaction, or something that will likely fade with time, but the thing is, the sense of urgency isn’t diminishing inside of me, if anything it’s growing.

I believe with all my heart that one of the reasons God brought me out of that freezing cold river alive was so I could write about Him. To speak about His love and to live a life every day that’s worth writing about.

If it’s not about God, it’s not worth doing. If it’s not encouraging to other people, if it doesn’t help other people, if it ultimately doesn’t direct them to the creator and ruler of the universe, it’s pointless and meaningless.

I don’t wanna say a word

Unless it points the world back to You

Words can build us up

Words can break us down

Start a fire in our hearts

Or put it out

Powerful lyrics full of truth.  Thanks Hawk Nelson for the song Words. As I officially start this first week of writing this blog, I can’t come up with a better prayer than the lyrics in this song. Pretty much everything I was praying is contained in these lyrics.  And so, with no further adieu, this blog is dedicated to the glory of God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit.

 

The “success” of this blog isn’t up to me.  What is up to me is my willingness to be obedient to the call He’s put on my life. God doesn’t ask us for results, I haven’t been able to find that in the Bible.  But what I do see is that He asks for me to be obedient. And when I am obedient, He provides the results.  So whatever this blog’s results are in the world’s eyes, my obedience makes the effort successful in His eyes.  At the end of this life, it’s what He thinks, not what anyone else thinks that matters. No one else is going to say, “Well done my good and faithful servant” but God, and no one else has the power to pass judgement on where I will spend eternity.

 

That’s pretty heavy for beginning a blog, but it is truth, and life is too short, too fleeting and too fragile to waste any time with anything but the truth.

 

I hope you stick around and read some more. I hope you’re encouraged, and I hope you experience God’s love in your life today.

 

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13 NIV

 

Be blessed.